So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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