I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
