i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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