I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
