drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
