I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
