ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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