he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My penis needs a shock collar
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
