She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
