ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
