Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize