A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
