yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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