I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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