I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
