I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i think my cat just said my name.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
