i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
