There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
