if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
