also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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