Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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