How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize