i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
