When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
