WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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