I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
