arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize