Small penises have feelings too.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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