I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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