We named our party play list daddy issues
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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