peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
