He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
