Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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