I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
