I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to calm my uterus...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
