i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize