Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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