Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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