Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
