His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
