Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize