hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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