The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
