I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
