I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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