So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
