Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
