man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
