I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
