my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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