I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
