Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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