You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
