so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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