Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
