My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
