just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
