that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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