I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
