Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
