Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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