Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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