i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
