so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
