I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
