U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
