i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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