if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
