She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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