And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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