I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
