just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
