my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
