peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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