I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
