I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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