my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
