WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
