I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize