may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
