i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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