If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
