I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
