I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
