not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
