we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
