I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize