bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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