bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
