We won't sleep together?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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