I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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