He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
