so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
