I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
