His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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