If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
