just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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