on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
