I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i believe in u and ur pee
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