This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
