For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
