so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
