porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
