one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didn't notice because vodka
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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