Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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