He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You pole danced in your parka.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
