hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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