my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
