HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
